Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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