I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
