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dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I'm really busy with my period
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