for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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