You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
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I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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