honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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