question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
