I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
