So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
