My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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