i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
birth control should be required to get into college
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
