Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
