That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
