yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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