Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
