i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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