the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
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He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
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Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize