Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
