In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
