Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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