If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
