Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
im six kinds of drunk right now
do herpes really smell.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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