making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
