Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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