You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
