The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
