I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
