walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Semen is not good for contacts.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
