thus making me awesome and them whores
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
