she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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