Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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