her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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