Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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