Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
