I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
