I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
