I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
