You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
