he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
