Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
