Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
