I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just want nice things and good sex
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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