The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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