Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
