omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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