I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
3pm strippers are depressing
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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