Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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