This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
