How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
