She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
this boner is exhausting
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
