I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
