I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
