The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize