Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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