just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
