how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
