P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
