The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
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