Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
