glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
