So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
