I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
