Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
