he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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