he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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