I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
