I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
